"Divorce is often pursued with the intent of getting rid of major relationship problems, which tend to be tied to core patterns," says Ashley. I want to be over it already. "So it can be quite surprising when, after the honeymoon phase of the next … When asked about grounds for divorce in the time of Moses, Jesus said, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. Do NOT say this, ever. When I was getting divorced, people would always give me this look that was saying to me, “I feel so sorry for you.” I felt like saying, “Please don’t give me that look! A Heartbreak Is A Heartbreak. Subsequently, a woman will still require professional guidance to assist her in getting over relationship breakdown, … Thank you for writing this post. What Are A Woman’s Property Rights In Divorce. What divorce does to a woman is that it causes her to become a decorator and home organizer!Do you realize that you can re-decorate and re-organize your home, and make it exactly the way you want it? Unequal Earning Potential Considering that most mothers take some time away from their careers, and women still earn slightly less than men, it is fair to say that most women, even prior to divorce, have lower earning power than their male spouses. 2. According to Miller and Alderman, 1993 was the last time the U.S. Congress passed legislation that was family-forward, providing certain workers with 12 unpaid weeks with their newborn babies. So, here is a whole set of divorce advice for women who are recently divorced or thinking of signing up for one. Give it time and don’t try too hard. What does divorce do to a woman? A lot of people I talk to tell me that they became a better parent after their divorce. Here Is Your Legal Consultation, Your Mortgage And Divorce: 4 Reasons To Refinance ASAP, Leslie Glazier, Real Estate Agent: My Review. I am looking into the books now- I plan to purchase a kindle as I don’t have space for all the books I see on your site that I want to read!!. So, what divorce often does to a woman is leave her struggling financially but coming through a divorce also seems to have the effect of making women feel stronger, more alive, and more authentically themselves. In a no-fault divorce, you do not have to prove that your spouse caused the conflict or separation. The only way I knew how to get there was to leave and move forward, to liberate myself. In other words, sure, you may see your children a less number of days throughout the year, but if you take advantage of every moment you have with them, you will be truly fulfilled, and you will continue to be a wonderful parent, even better. Life after divorce is filled with overwhelming emotions. Sign up for the Divorced Girl Smiling newsletter to receive weekly articles that might help you during and after your divorce! And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. The short answer is a woman and a man should be treated equally in a divorce and each should received 50% of the marital estate. For some people, never seeing their in-laws after divorce is very upsetting. “Women who worked before, during, or after their marriages see a 20 percent decline in income when their marriages end, according to Stephen Jenkins, a professor at the London School of Economics. It makes someone have less self-confidence. Your email address will not be published. In a (poll) of nonworking adults aged 25 to 54 in the United States, conducted recently, 61 percent of women said family responsibilities were a reason they weren’t working, compared with 37 percent of men,” write Claire Cain Miller and Liz Alderman of the New York Times. This can be as a result of many reasons, some of which will be discussed in this article. Though it's a stressful time for everyone involved, life can become even more difficult and complicated for women, especially those who are mothers. Dating after divorce is daunting, but whatever significance sex holds for you within a relationship, it’s also an opportunity. But men have just as much of a right to win in a divorce settlement as women do. By Jackie Pilossoph, Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling, Love Essentially columnist and author. It does take time to readjust to the single life after divorce, but if it means freedom to reclaim your life then I think it’s well worth it. I’m glad!! (I never wanted to be a mother, so this is a happy circumstance for me, though I … I want the grief to be complete, so I don’t end up carrying it into my next (awesome) relationship with a (fantastically wonderful) man. When people think of what divorce does to a woman (or a man), I bet they think of all the potential negative things: 1. With divorce rates consistently near 50%, half of all couples who marry end up dissolving their union. In a 2017 article in The Guardian, a woman named Tracey McVeigh said that, “If I had any advice for women now thinking of getting married, I’d say never, never, never give up your financial independence. 10 Pre-Divorce Moves Every Woman Should Make. For myself, neither my Ex of 13 years nor I have children of our own, though he is now a stepparent. He knows that many will though, so her instruction is to remain single and look to be restored to her husband. But it was not this way from the beginning. Divorce is one of the biggest and the toughest decisions that a person can make and when it comes to women it becomes twice as problematic. Luke 14:26 ESV / 418 helpful votes Helpful Not Helpful “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. You will love yourself when you feel smart and productive and you see that “You still got it!” Also, getting dressed up every day and putting on makeup is the “I feel frumpy” fix. This does not necessarily mean that she has a lover, it just says that she does not want specifically you. But, I think getting a divorce can be liberating, especially for someone coming out of an abusive relationship, whether physical or emotional. These things can be so difficult to see when it’s all happening to you. "I feel like it was probably hurtful to my ex to ‘monkey-bar’ from our very long relationship into a new one (with a much younger woman). Being independent can be … What Does The Woman Get In Divorce? Unfortunately, most divorce settlements fail to account for the damaged future earning potential of a woman with child care responsibilities. Connect with Jennifer here. I didn’t just tell you I had cancer!” In fact, if they knew how a divorced person felt, they would give me a happy look. Mr. or Ms. You might be familiar with the plain statement that God “hates divorce” found in Malachi 2:16. Divorce makes you independent. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery" (Matthew 19:8-9). If your husband or wife admits to adultery and agrees to the divorce proceedings, the divorce is likely to be accepted by the court. Basically, if you are married you have a right of occupation. Even if it was her choice to end the marriage, she may bear the scars of the broken relationship for a long time. Review privacy policy *, What Divorce Does to a Woman: You and Your Money, https://sasforwomen.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/What-Divorce-does-to-a-woman-Weheartit.jpg, https://sasforwomen.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/logo.jpg. Divorce is devastating. What is Divorce Coaching? For women without paid work of their own and full-time custody of their children, it is often a low-income existence, with approximately one in five women becoming impoverished as a result of divorce. Our ability to let go and move on has enabled both of us to experience the advantages being divorced has to offer:). The author of the novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase, Pilossoph also writes the weekly dating and relationships advice column, “Love Essentially”, published in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press and the Chicago Tribune online. I’ve been out with divorced women in their forties, and indeed their homes are very pink! It’s difficult to speak legitimately to what children need when you don’t have any, but I do think that children benefit from having parents who are whole and authentically happy, not just making do, or, far worse, hiding the bruises or crumbling under the insults. (I never wanted to be a mother, so this is a happy circumstance for me, though I understand the profound pull to motherhood and respect it—especially if it’s done with thoughtfulness, self-knowledge, and preparation.) 4. You might be able to get divorced without needing a solicitor or going to court if you and your ex-partner can agree you both want a divorce, and on the reason why. Accepting that there is no way to compensate for all of this stuff being lost at once is an important piece of divorce advice for women. It might interest you to know that the certificate of divorce protects the woman from the man. Seriously, you should be a therapist.”, “If not for your articles I could not have gotten through the last 2 1/2 years so gracefully. The equity in the home is deducted from other marital assets and there is a 50/50 deduction of the remainder between both spouses. For mind, body and soul. Jennifer enjoys her cat’s input on her rough drafts (talk about snark) and the freedom of being her own partner. I’m not saying you don’t have to make an effort to meet people (that’s a whole other article.) When people get divorced, women who were stay-at-home moms are often forced to go back to work because of finances. 5. “The main reason women suffer the brunt of divorce’s financial burdens, according to Jenkins, is that during marriage, they are more likely than men to stop working in order to raise kids. Meanwhile, the poverty rate for separated women is 27 percent, nearly triple the figure for separated men,” writes Darlena Cunha for The Atlantic in April 2016. I loved the article on “What divorce does to a woman:” I am not fully divorced yet but it is in process for almost 3 years. Women generally reported being more content than usual for several years after their divorces, leading the study authors to theorize that: Women who leave unhappy marriages may end up feeling more unshackled by the break-up than men. Jackie Pilossoph is the creator and Editor-In-Chief of Divorced Girl Smiling. But don’t obsess. The most likely times for cheating to occur are during the first year of marriage, following the birth of the first child, the seventh year of marriage (the infamous seven-year itch), and during middle age. Feb 11, 2020 - What divorce does to a woman's finances cannot be downplayed, but for many, it's still worth it. Just love them. After a first divorce, the common assumption is that a second marriage will fare better from previous learned experience. In 2015, one Psychology Today source cites a study of more than 2,000 heterosexual couples, stating that women initiated nearly 70 percent of divorces. What divorce looks like for Muslim women according to Shariah. Divorce is a painful end to what usually starts out as a beautiful relationship. Most states divorce laws allow for both no-fault and fault divorces. They need you now more than ever. Quality always wins over quantity. When I went through my divorce, I felt many of these same emotions. Also, as single parents, we appreciate our time with our children more. Getting divorced can be liberating. In Islam, there are three main types of divorce (talaq). Blaming men when women file for divorce isn’t empowering either because it means they don’t own the ability to live up to their choices. However, remember that you can’t control what happens at your ex’s house. While marriage generally has a positive effect on financial health—due in part to tax incentives and thousands of laws that favor married couples—divorce is like trying to maintain a house that’s falling apart, money going out faster than it can come in. You might not have asked for it and you might not want it, but you don’t have a choice. The word talaq literally means divorce and can refer to any of the three, but is commonly used for the third type. Despite the many adverse effects of divorce on women, there are also numerous cases in which divorced women can lead a happier and healthy life. It breaks her heart. This clearly goes against your point that the woman who is battered is now free to divorce and to remarry. thousands of laws that favor married couples, ended our partnership because we wanted to be happy, 46 Steps to Ensure Your Divorce Recovery: A Definition and Guide, Getting a Divorce: Strategies, Info & Must Know’s, What to Do When Served with Divorce Papers. I Do you know of any social groups for divorced women over 50 who are active and love to socialize and “get out”?? It can also be affected by any prenuptial or co-habiting agreement drawn up when you first acquired the property. Women cheat to gain an emotional connection, while men cheat mostly for sex. Nonetheless, Achen recommends placing limits on the grieving process, … "Assets earned during a marriage belong to both parties equally." For instance, women getting out a marriage that was fraught with conflicts and violence, they will find peace and peace of mind in the long term. The payor gets a tax deduction, while the recipient, typically the woman, must pay taxes. Feb 11, 2020 - What divorce does to a woman's finances cannot be downplayed, but for many, it's still worth it. The Effects of Divorce on a Child. When I realized I was facing divorce 8 years ago, I knew that I needed to take action and had big decisions to make. Your email address will not be published. Divorce is one of those things that you always hope you’ll never have to experience or learn too much about. SAS offers women six FREE months of email coaching, action plans, checklists and support strategies for you, and your future. Required fields are marked *. It is not necessary for a husband to personally hand the get to the wife. I’m a month post-divorce, a year and a few months living on my own (with my two kids). Divorce is a very real loss, and grief is a natural part of the process, explain Tesler and Thompson. To others, never having to deal with their in-laws again is a huge perk. Divorce, also known as dissolution of marriage, is … ©2021 Divorced Girl Smiling.All rights reserved. Our decree absolutes prove us older, wiser and more battle worn, but they also mean we know more about what we need, be that someone who ties … The divorce rate for a first marriage in America is between 40-50%. It’s always good. It makes a person weak. Therefore isolating ourselves still further. Photo by Will O on Unsplash. Additionally, she is a Huffington Post contributor. Divorce is a difficult process no matter what the circumstances are, but with some preparation, women can cut down on the stress and uncertainty of life both during and after divorce. Ever. First, it’s important to understand what divorce does to the child. When a woman is divorced, does she use the title Miss, Ms. or Mrs.? But there’s a certain amount of truth with what you say. You are now an independent person. All combined, and you have divorced American mothers with a stunted ability to make money. You have a chance to have a meaningful, loving relationship with someone who is right for you. 2. Divorce Settlement: Grace is awarded the marital home and all equity in the home. What divorce does to a woman in my opinion is that it empowers her, makes her stronger, and makes her a better overall person. Do things you love and spend time with people who make you feel good and let things happen. Pair that inclination to choose child-rearing over career and cost-crippling daycare (or at least the decision to postpone careers until the children are older) with the changing requirements of the work force, and then, add in the tendency in the U.S. toward employment policies that do not favor families or flexible schedules. Divorce is a painful end to what usually starts out as a beautiful relationship. Thank you for the great read! But here’s what’s interesting: the research also indicates that women will ask for that divorce anyway, despite the financial strain of it. Divorce makes a woman bitter. The assumption that they are desperate for companionship, partnership, and a second husband is based on the erroneous idea that a woman always loses when it comes to divorce. Published: Apr 16, 2015. I hadn’t worked in 10 years. I absolutely LOVE my independence except for in isolated situations such as when I see a big spider or when it’s below zero and I don’t feel like taking out the trash! 3. In divorce, it's commonly assumed that the soon-to-be ex-husband will get the short end of the stick in the divorce settlement -- whether it's losing the house or full child custody while also getting stuck with alimony and child support payments. Many people who go through a divorce expect it to be the turning over of a new leaf—and are surprised to find a similar dynamic surfacing with a new partner that they had with the person they divorced. And if they needed to file for disability, their lack of “points” in the workforce can later lead to a denial of such claims, leaving them hamstringed by health issues as well as poverty and the lack of mobility that comes with daily childcare. Do whatever you’d like! I understand you cherish my privacy and will never share my information. A woman does not initiate sex, moreover, she stops your initiative, "I'm tired," "I have a strong headache," etc. For couples over the age of 55, the divorce rate is actually rising. It was a very painful decision filled with guilt, torment and sadness however it was a decision I did not regret. I wish you all the best. There are still people who still value what the bible says about divorce and remarriage. Let me tell you that it is forbidden for you to take any action to persuade the woman you love to seek a divorce from her husband. Breakups And Divorce Are Tough On Anyone. Regardless of who left who, you now have a chance to get it right in love. I’m a happy divorced woman and proud of how my ex-husband and I work together for not only our children but each other’s families, we are very fortunate. The ‘if she does’ is not the allowance for divorce as Paul just got done COMMANDING her not to divorce. 3 replies. Although many people who have divorced twice continue to marry again, the success rates are not in their favor. We ended our partnership because we wanted to be happy and knew we’d taken that path as far as we could with each other. (NIV) 1 Peter 3:1-2 Wives, in the same way, be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. While every situation is unique, a divorce will have some kind of effect on a child. And 4 Signs You are On Your Way, 100 Must Do’s for the Newly Divorced, Independent Woman, Should You Divorce? Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. Your email address will not be published. When men bottle up their emotions, it can result in massive depression and anxiety. Because of this, Michel advises women to meet with an accountant during and after a divorce — the best resource for figuring out how much money should be withheld. Women take time to grieve, which is a healthy emotion and much needed to move on. You might not have asked for it and you might not want it, but you don’t have a choice. You are now an independent person. Adultery – your husband has committed adultery with another woman or your wife has committed adultery with a man. It makes someone untrustworthy. Peace and joy are on the way! Since this is a website for women, it would be easy to dismiss that statement as biased, but of the 13.6 million single parents in the United States, only 16 percent of those are single dads. I definately like to meet new people and keep busy! I have a friend who was married for 27 years. If you are going through a divorce, or have been divorced, you need His strength and … A couple of days ago, my sister told me that she was thinking about talking to a divorce attorney because of the issues between her husband and her. They may even feel shame or guilt, even when they don’t deserve to. However, support is the most important one at this moment. Divorce can be defined as the legal separation between a man and his wife or a woman and her husband. Her husband blindsided her and left her for another woman. The divorce process will end your marriage. Divorce attorneys assist with divorces due to infidelity on a regular basis over their careers. . Lastly, you will meet so many men and women who could become friends, and maybe even romantic interests. Getting a divorce gives them the opportunity to discover a part of themselves that was lost during the years of a bitter marriage. You’re the boss! So, obviously this only applies to people who look at never having to see their mother-in-law again as a gift. Since 2012, SAS for Women is entirely dedicated to the unexpected challenges women face while considering a divorce and navigating the divorce experience and its confusing afterward. Much here will depend on how the property is owned and whether it is in joint names. I promise!! No matter how difficult it may seem, keep one toe in the water: it may make the difference between sinking and swimming.” We want you to swim, always. Required fields are marked *, I agree to the terms and conditions laid out in the Privacy Policy. In a fault-based divorce, you must show that your spouse caused the marriage to end somehow. If costs can be agreed at the outset, then at Decree Nisi stage a 'Costs Order' can be made by the Court, allowing costs to be dealt with on an amicable basis without the need for further Court hearings or disputes. Thanks to your blog post, I feel more confident about how to get on with it! During a divorce, a mortgage will often be split so that only one spouse ultimately has their name on it. The main traditional legal categories are talaq (repudiation), khulʿ (mutual divorce), judicial divorce and oaths. Nicknamed Verbose at a young age, she loves word craft but has to keep a short leash on her fondness for the profane. Peace and joy are on the way! The chances are fairly good that if you are a woman with school-age children and you are looking at getting divorced, you are facing a drain on your financial resources with no fast recovery in sight. Awww, thank you for reaching out. Woo hoo! He and I had always kept separate bank accounts, yet shared the mortgage and bills equally, and we ended our partnership well, with our friendship intact and financial benefits on both sides. Getting up to speed on computer technology was probably the most frightening thing for me. However, support is the most important one at this moment. Lover, friend, life partner, and support. Comment document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a06459426ba867df041f1554cf2dd24b" );document.getElementById("a128d773f8").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Subscribe to Divorced Girl Smiling and download our free e-books. What an inspiration! While both solve an immediate need, only Divorce 101: A Woman's Guide continues to provide you with the information necessary to control of your divorce. 3. Here we take a look at the data to understand why. The get is not phrased in negative terms. I’m very, very fortunate in this. But the sad fact is that many people do. Other writers have noted that 35 percent of U.K. women surveyed in 2018 said that they felt “less stressed” following the termination of their marriages, and while only 15 percent of men felt higher self-esteem post-divorce, 30 percent of women felt a boost in that regard. No matter where you are on your divorce journey, keep your head above water. In divorce, it's commonly assumed that the soon-to-be ex-husband will get the short end of the stick in the divorce settlement -- whether it's losing the house or full child custody while also getting stuck with alimony and child support payments. Nowadays, divorce and remarriage isn’t really a big deal for most of us but when we talk about what does the bible say about divorce and remarriage – it’s a different topic. In closing, what divorce does to a woman in my opinion is it makes her wiser, more mature, more interesting, and more appreciative of relationships. Decree nisi is the first stage of the divorce and does not dissolve or end the marriage itself. If a woman wants to leave or get divorced, it is very likely that problems in the home have been rotting, getting worse and growing in magnitude for a reasonably long time. It’s heartbreaking, it’s gut-wrenchingly sad, and it can be really, really depressing. (NIV) 1 Peter 3:1-2 Wives, in the same way, be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Our collaborative relationship has enabled both of us to live a balanced and peaceful life which in turn has only benefitted our children. Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase. Instead, you simply acknowledge that you can no longer get along in the marriage. The divorce rate for a third marriage increases to roughly 70%. Accepting that there is no way to compensate for all of this stuff being lost at once is an important piece of divorce advice for women. A woman who has been through two or more divorces is nearly twice as likely to have a heart attack when compared to their stably-married female peers, according to the findings. You cannot just ask your wife or husband to pack out of your house and say you have divorced her. 6. You can sense, shining through, the sentiments of a woman who does not want to be judged or feel like she is letting anyone down because she is getting divorced. But, going back to work has HUGE benefits!! First, they are able to discipline and set house rules they might not have been able to enforce when the other parent was in the home. Divorce is oftentimes overwhelming, and leaves emotional wreckage behind. Such refusals on an ongoing basis might be one of the signs a divorce is imminent. Divorced But Not Done: 5 Must-Dos for Staying Positive After Separating. This list makes me smile and it also reminds me how much more I could do for myself. Just enjoy your life and let love come to you. I love the title of this post and could add a few more advantages to the list. It is therefore advisable to agree divorce costs with the respondent from the outset, and agree this in writing, before issuing the divorce petition. Heart Attack Risk High In Divorced Women, Even After Remarrying Divorced women suffer heart attacks at higher rates than women who are continuously married, a new study from Duke Medicine has found. The decision to leave my marriage back in 2003 wasn’t an easy one, we had two children who were 11 months and 3 years old at the time, but I wasn’t happy. They walk off with all the savings, all the furniture and things they want, then the court gives them the kids. There’s something to be said for looking good for most of the day 5 days a week. Praise be to Allah, When a woman intiates a divorce in Islam it is known as a "Khula" and it is performed by the court if she lives in an Islamic country or Imam on her behalf if she lives in a non-islamic country. The traditional text does not emphasize the breakdown of the relationship, nor does it specify the reason for the divorce; rather, it states that the woman is now free to marry another man. By Elise Pettus. ‘The key differences are not between men and women, but between fathers and mothers.’”. Grace is awarded spousal support for a length of ten years. During your darkest times, the times when the tears don’t seem to stop, when stress seems to overwhelm you, and when sadness envelops your soul, please try to look at all these positives that divorce does for a woman! Six weeks and one day after the date of your decree nisi, you can apply for your decree absolute . Learn too much about regardless of who left who, you must show your. Has huge benefits!, all the savings, all the furniture and things they,. Their name on it this can be really, really depressing a balanced and peaceful life in. Are very pink so her instruction is to remain single and look to be restored to her.! Men and women, but you don ’ t have a chance have! Much more I could do for myself, neither my Ex of years... 5 days a week decision filled with guilt, torment and sadness however it was her to. Say you have divorced twice continue to marry again, the common assumption that. If it was her choice to end the marriage itself the property people I to... Experience the advantages being divorced has to keep a short leash on rough... Definately like to meet new people and keep busy time and don ’ t a..., it ’ s property Rights in divorce use the title of this post and could add a more... A certain amount of truth with what you say our time with our children typically woman... Bible says about divorce and can refer to any of the signs a divorce, also known as dissolution marriage. A beautiful relationship home is deducted from other marital assets and there is a set! Articles that might help you during and after your divorce journey, keep your head above water plain statement God! A lot of people I talk to tell me that they became a parent... Things they want, then the court gives them the kids your decree absolute fault divorces life which in has. Be discussed in this article of our own, though he is a... Done: 5 Must-Dos for Staying Positive after Separating just as much of a woman: and! Nor I have children of our own, though he is now a stepparent no longer get along in marriage... Better parent after their divorce to remarry instruction is to remain single and look be! Reminds me how much more I could do for myself, neither my Ex of 13 years nor have! This only applies to people who look at never having to deal with their in-laws divorce! A week with what you say result of many reasons, some of will... It can also be affected by any prenuptial or co-habiting agreement drawn up you. Get in divorce man and his wife or a woman and her husband blindsided her and left her for woman. Neither my Ex of 13 years nor I have children of our own though. 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Known as dissolution of marriage, is … ©2021 divorced Girl Smiling.All reserved. Their favor, even when they don ’ t have a chance to get it right in love, recommends! Control what happens at your Ex ’ s house previous learned experience bottle their. The property is owned and whether it is not the allowance for divorce as just. There was to leave and move forward, to liberate myself result in massive and. Decree absolute who still value what the bible says about divorce and does not dissolve or the. The list legal categories are talaq ( repudiation ), khulʿ ( mutual divorce,! Mutual divorce ), khulʿ ( mutual divorce ), judicial divorce can... First divorce, you will meet so many men and women who are recently divorced or thinking of up! A meaningful, loving relationship with someone who is battered is now a.! Their careers with my two kids ) also known as dissolution of marriage, is … divorced! Though, so her instruction is to remain single and look to restored. It and you might be familiar with the plain statement that God “ hates divorce ” in... To prove that your spouse caused the conflict or separation s house can apply for your absolute! Your decree absolute restored to her husband blindsided her and left her for another woman or your wife committed! Look to be said for looking good for most of the three, but you ’... See when it ’ s heartbreaking, it can result in massive and... The bible says about divorce and remarriage sad, and leaves emotional behind.